It's the end of the world as we know it ... err ... maybe not

According to CNN and a few other news channels, the world might end tomorrow. Well, I'm not sure if the end of the world will occur, but its certainly going to be a pretty interesting next 24 hours.

Rumor has it (and I'm saying rumor has it b/c I have absolutely no idea) a deal is about to be made involving the US debt and all will be saved.  I'm not sure I believe it, but what else is there for us to do.  I'm pretty sure its not the end of the world or else I would be in the mountains somewhere watching the world through a scope or a pair of binoculars.

Oh and as I watch this, a Breaking News Bulletin just broke through to announce swinging Joe Biden is negotiating on behalf of the White House. Sweet ... I guess Obama is too busy to attend any meetings or better yet, he's already hunkered down in his bunker waiting for the collapse. Nothing screams awesome like an invisible leader.

In other news, I'm off to San Diego this week and looking forward to the trip -- well, that is if the airports still exist later this week.  Also had a good weekend and learned a few entertaining facts:

• Chicken Apple sausage might be the greatest thing ever 
• 9mm casings will burn / blister your skin if you don't dispose of them properly 
• The movie Unknown and Taken are kinda similar but you should ignore that fact b/c Liam Niesen seriously f@#s up some bad / good guys 
• The Rise of the Planet of the Apes trailer is on repeat and I wil not see this movie. I get it ... apes take over the world. But here's my question, and yes, I took this from WWTTD, did we run out of bullets? Why didn't we just shoot all the apes when they started to attack people ... just sayin. 
• Hung out at the Wolf Mountain winery in N. Georgia -- actually, really cool place with some good food. Try it out if you are in the N. Georgia mountains - oh and I can't really drink wine so I'm assuming the wine was amazing.
• I'm 50 days away from being on vacation with out a blackberry or the ability of anyone from work from calling me ... I can't express how much I want to be out of cell service for 7 days 
• Oh and 32 days until I'm going to Boston / Fenway for Yankees v. Red Sox -- thanks Retired Sorority Girl ... might be the greatest gift in the World ... well, that is if we survive the next 24 hours

This will not be good ...

Have you seen Love Actually? How about Valentine's Day? Well, if not ... you're in luck. The production wizards have taken both movies, placed it in New York and staged it over New Year's Eve / Day ... and called it, wait for it ... wait for it ... New Year's Day! Wow -- creativity explosion with this movie!

I'm pretty sure I'd rather place myself in a plastic bag with no holes, add 1,000 African Bee's and Wasps and pipe in the sound track to Mama Mia on repeat for 12 hours (or death) before being forced to watch this movie.

APD IS ON THE CASE !!!

After a fairly eventful morning, I left the office with two co-workers to head out for lunch. I pulled out of my parking garage, slowed down at a red light, turned right on red ... and then noticed an APD car flying around the corner with its lights on. I pulled over to the side, thinking he was going to catch one of the many drug deals / shootings going on at Five Points, but no ... he was pulling me over.  I was a bit shocked and finally pulled over ... actually took me a second to figure out what was going on because none of us were sure why I was getting pulled over.

I grab my license (new one, woo hoo) and registartion and handed it to the bowed up cop (who was wearing a kevlar vest which means the area is rough, especially on people who do some sort of violation with a crosswalk).  He asked me what I did wrong and I said, "didn't make a complete stop at the red light" ... wrong answer.  Apperantly, I stoped in a cross walk and didn't allow for the person (waiting on a Marta bus) to walk across the street. Right ... so I'm sitting there thinking, I'm getting a ticket for God knows what and its not going to be cheap. The APD comes back to the car, hands me my drivers license and tells me to be careful and watch out for pedestrians. 

So ... no ticket ... but I got pulled over because I might have impeded on a potential pedestian and my car passed through the crosswalk. I'm supposed my other options are to:

• Not drive near a side walk 
• Not drive near people who may or may not cross the street
• Not drive ??? 

I'm still confused by the incident. If I were a conspiracy theorist, which I am not, I would say I got pulled over because I have recently pointed out some of the stellar work conducted by the APD. Since I know that can't be true, I'm going to say its the end of the month, we have no $$$ and they are collecting on tickets because we counted 9 police cars giving out tickets between my office and Edgewood ... a five mile drive. 

Here's what I learned ... Nothing ... seriously. I've learned nothing. Buy a helicopter?

No one likes James Carney either

Timothy Geithner -- your not alone. People (well, the media which kinda means people) hate James Carney too. See what arrogance gets you?  Well, rich but you also are known in the same circles as Gibbs and he is pretty much the largest pair of clown shoes to walk this planet. I'd rather eat wasps than join that honorary group. 

OMG -- just make a decision

I'd like to become a politican so I can get paid to argue, complain, go on TV and pretend to help people in my home district. Unfortunately, I'd like to be president more which means I can blame someone else, not come up with plans and host daily press conferences that interrupt prime time TV.

Seriously, POTUS -- stop interrupting my TV shows with press conferences where you stammer about saying f@#k all. If your going to interrupt the few hours a day I'm not working, at least say something important like: I'm giving you more money, I'm quitting, We killed Al Zarwari, We found oil ... so much that we can pretend the MidEast no longer exists, The Moon is full of Aliens, Transformers are real and Optimus Prime's voice is that cool ... you know, say something that matters or otherwise stop interrupting Deadliest Catch and Real World / Road Rules Challenge.

So in a quick snapshot, here's what I've learned from the POTUS interruptions and press conferences:

• Obama is afraid to field questions from the media. His speech writer is also getting soft because his last couple speeches sound a whole lot like JFK (plagiarism perhaps -- I'd go look it up but I have to work) ... and why is he quoting Regan when he bashed RR during his campaign? 
• Timothy Geithner - pretty sure we all agree that this guy is an ass hole. Just look at him - no one seems to like him. He is even portrayed as an ass hole in movies ...
• We've raised the debt ceiling a number of times - under both Democrat and Republican presidents ... so why can't we do it again? Sorry ... that was as simple question with a simple answer ... it has no room in politics.
• Solutions are optional - I was always taught that if you wanted to fix something, then you bring a solution to the table. Even if the solution might not be the best, at least your trying something.  I've learned through this process that if your President, that no longer applies to you. Don't bring solutions and hope someone else does it. 
• POTUS doesn't want to delay the vote b/c he's afraid he won't get re-elected. Pretty sure he thinks we are all stupid and we don't see right through his "logic"

So lets just face it ... out credit rating is about to drop, we won't have an agreement by August 2, ATMs will be out of $$$, depression, inflation, interest rates will go up, value of the dollar will collapse, China and Russia will take over the cities they own, pets heads will fall off, new guy will puke in the corner, the Braves will do nothing before the trade deadline, riots / looting will become common place, famine, war, alien invasion, maybe a meteorite will hit after Ben Aflec tries to blow it up, Hugh Grant will hire another hooker, England will lose on penalty kicks and Elian Gonzalez will be the new leader of Cuba ... all these things might happen. Probably not ... but they might. I mean, I don't care b/c I'm winning that 100 million dollar power ball tomorrow night and moving to Switzerland. Auf Wiedersehen, kids!!!!

The Daily Show - Armadebtdon 2011 - Nonfiction Captain America
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Not uplifting, but interesting

After watching CNN and all the other news networks ramble on about the imminent collapse of our economy, I decided to watch HBO for a while where I saw "Too Big To Fail" and "Wall Street, Money Never Sleeps" ... back to back. Neither will ever win any awards, but they really aren't awful movies. If your interested to see what could happen to our economy in a few weeks, you should watch it.  Pretty interesting on how we got where we are and what it is going to take to get us out of our current situation. Needless to say, what the ass hats in DC are proposing isn't going to help us very much.  

So based on that, I devised a few scenarios since the world might come to an end on August 2nd:  If I were a Democrat, I would buy some land in the mountains on a lake, build a bunker that's solar / battery powered, buy gold, stock pile the necessities (water, food, beer, food, ammo, weapons, Blu-Rays, PS3 games, bourbon), blame Bush and watch the world collapse. If I were a Republican, I'd be difficult, sit at home, read the WSJ, watch Fox News and complain that nothing happened.

Since I straddle the fence, I'm going to sit at home, drink a bourbon, load some assault rifles, watch some Blu-Rays on my FlatTV, play some NCAA '12 on my other TV and pretty much become resigned to the fact that the American dream is dead, China owns us and I'll never be rich.  Shit ... that just ruined the weekend. Oh well ...

I agree ... I want to be British

"America's government should start drinking motherf**king tea and eating motherf**king finger sandwiches to be as awesome as England's government."

"Cameron left vacation early to deal with an issue ... Obama played soccer in Brazil."

                        

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Don't stress ... APD is on the case

When the APD wants something it ... gets it done? or answers a phone call from someone being robbed? or something falls in their lap? I really don't know how to answer that phrase but none the less ... the APD got its man / men / woman / women! 

Anywhoo, in a feat almost as amazing as willing the Lotto without playing, the APD captured the car theifs.  Appearantly, two (and there might be a third) are responsible for breaking into 80 cars in a 4 hours. That's impressive. 20 cars an hours which breaks down to about a car every 90 seconds which means these guys are in some great shape.

Here's the press release from the APD -- link. Personally, I love their last sentence -- truly shows that APD is on the case:  "It should be noted that prior to these recent break-ins, vehicle larcenies were actually slightly down in the city this year (1 percent) and down 19 percent since this time in 2009. Regardless, the Atlanta Police Department recognizes this recent wave of incidents, and can assure citizens we are taking it seriously and moving aggressively to catch the offenders."

This is almost as awesome as the Polar Bear Cam from the Toledo zoo

Another 15 cars ...

Another 15 cars were broken into last night ... that makes 50 in the last two days, but the good news, the APD is on the case. AJC Link

APD is on the case ...

You can attribute the following article as reason 4,624 my car doesn't spend much time at Retired Sorority Girl's place (link). More than THIRTY cars were broken into Sunday AM ... THIRTY. How did someone not see THIRTY cars getting broken into on the side of the street in Atlanta? Don't worry ... APD is on the case.  Here's how I know they are on the case - the neighbors called, reported the incident and the APD said ... we are on the case. 

Luckily, Retired Sorority Girl's car was in the garage and she was out of town, but her roommate and neighbor's cars were all broken into and things were stolen. Not that I care that much about my car, but the last thing I want to do is walk out and see that my car is broken into and/or stolen (course, I guess I wouldn't see my car if it were stolen). Oh and yeah, a bank robber was shot by the police (30 times) in the apartments (literally) across the street from her condo ... sorry, just sayin.

Ahh ... crime in Atlanta. It might just be me, but the current crime wave seems almost as bad as when I was a kid and Atlanta was known as the murder capital of the United States. Just watch the local news and you'll see four / five murders / rapes in the first 60 seconds of the newscast. According to the local leadership (not saying which party they are affiliated but you can count on some Obama votes from that crew), this has nothing to do with the unemployment rate (10 - 15% - depending upon who you ask) in Atlanta. Sure ... and heat strokes have nothing to do with the 102 degree temperatures.

Instead of giving you a driver's license at 16, they ought to hand everyone a kevlar vest and wish everyone good luck. But the good news ... the APD is on the case!

Tragic

In your moment of reflection today, please take the time to think about Brittney Watts, Lauren Garcia and Tiffany Ferenczy. They were all shooting victims in a horrible incident on Friday afternoon outside of my old office in Midtown Atlanta. 

I'm not sure there's much you can say but that we should all lend a few thoughts and prayers to their families.  I also knew a few other people involved in the shooting and my heart goes out to everyone.

Personally, I hope they take the shooter, send him back to Africa, tie him to the ground in the middle of a field (where red ants live), cover him in honey, put two bullets in his knees and let nature / the pain take its toll.

Story on AJC.com

This will not end well...

Big news - we just recognized the rebel group in Libya who are currently fighting Gaddafi.  Here's the good news -- they wear track suits, don't know how to shoot, smoke a lot of hash and the region provided the most Al Qaeda and insurgent fighters against American forces the last 8 years.

Yay! Super logical move ... why don't we retroactively provide funding and recognize Hitler or Idi Amin? Chavez is still alive and he has oil so why don't we do the same to Hugo?  Personally, I suggest we recognize the CEO of Texaco as the new leader of Libya and fund a private army to occupy the oil reserves.  Yeah, its not PC, but according to the movies, it works.

Lead, follow, or just say @#$@# it, I'm out

It's been a while since I rambled about politics, so I will make it brief.  I absolutley love (sarcasm font) watching the morons in DC attempt to fix our budget and debt problem. To quote a loyal reader of the blog, "it's like watching a monkey f@ck a football."

The funness went to new levels last nigth when POTUS / the annointed one decided to storm out of the budget meetings because both sides weren't seeing eye-to-eye.  I'm sure that the Republicans weren't playing nice, but regardless, way to be a leader, POTUS, and storm out. 

When I think of all the great leaders I've read about, met, admire, follow, none of them just said, "F@ck it, I'm out" when times were difficult. In fact, those that acted that way, were generally perceived as the non-hero. Regardless -- the one thing that really bothers me is this quote, "this could bring my presidency down" ... atta way to think about he country first! Nothing says leadership like thinking about yourself before the needs of the country.

But let's not just stick the blame on POTUS, granted - he deserves most of it, all involved are at fault. They just need to come to a decision instead of playing politics. I think we'd all be in a better place if we removed everyone and started from scratch in 2012.  Since I am legally able to run for president starting in September, I think I'm going to throw my name in that hat.  Ha ha ha ha ... imagine that ... me running a country.  Wow - you think the debt is bad now ... just wait until I'm in charge. I could figure out a way to bankrupt China.

BABYLON!!!

Yup, it's an inside joke.  Babylon!!!

Vacation ... sorta

Last week, I headed out of town to San Destin to spend some quality time by the water. Granted, I don't love the beach, but it was nice to get away and sorta get out of work. Granted, I did spend almost a full day on vacation working, I was at least working from a Starbucks by the beach, and not in the office. So I guess that is kinda a good thing.

Recap of some fun things from my vacation:

• I'm not good at golf -- never have been, never will.  I have a better chance of winning the lottery than hitting 9 greens with a drive off the tee box. Despite that fact - once I learn that I will never win, I think I will enjoy golf a lot more. 
• Oh and back to golf ... some pros put symbols on their golf balls so they can find them. I prefer full phrases such as:  Canada, America's Trucker Hat; My Home Is The Water; Suck It Trebek; Bates for President. Unfortunately, these are great, until you shank one into a Honda Accord in someones front yard. Note to self -- don't personalize golf balls.
• I don't care for sea weed -- its just nasty.  
• Retired Sorority girl loves pictures with me in them ... she hasn't realized yet that I might not love to be in lots of pictures. The result of having a father as a photographer ... 
• Wolfy did an amazing job traversing Eastern Alabama and Northern Florida. We made it to San Destin in 5 and half hours and home in a bout 4 and a half hours. Rumor has it, he is more aerodynamic and capable of better speeds early in the morning. 
• The billboards on I-10 are fantastic.  You get to read and learn about abortion, drugs and how most people die of hitting a tree when driving on the interstate.  Good to know! 
• Mushroom and Lobster Beignets might be the most amazing thing ever 
• Watercolor and Seaside are fantastic -- I'm not sure why I'm just finding out about it now. 
• Food trucks in Seaside are terrific - everyone should try them 
• All vacations should include two way radios ... they make everything better
• I used the new camera and tried to take some artsy photos ... I call them Claude Monet meets Watercolor Waterlilies
• Dr. Noisewater and his fiance are getting married in San Destin in March -should be a really good time and looking forward to returning back to San Destin -- taking suggestions on any non $3,000 a week houses in Seaside / Watercolor

Mila Kunis = Amazing

I have a new favorite person ... Mila Kunis.  Check out this story  

A Marine (see video below) asked her to goto a military ball and she said yes.  I'm sure there are a few thousand other celebrities who would bail on this in a heart beat.  Kudos to Mila ...

Just call me Clark ...

Guilty until proven innocent ...

I clearly don't think she's innocent, but it was interesting to watch the verdict in the Anthony trial this afternoon. She went from potentially getting the death penalty to conviction of a couple of misdemeanors ... which means -- she's about to get probation. Personally, I wasn't surprised that she was found innocent because this case has been a circus from the get go.

I was very interested in watching the public opinion on Facebook and Twitter blow up over the outrage of the verdict and how she is "so" guilty.  I understand the emotions that a case like this holds, but my assumption is that all those who are making the remarks clearly missed or skipped 7, 8 and 9 grade where we took classes on civics and how our court system works. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work in the ways we want. And it also goes to show ... paying to much attention to CNN isn't very good for us.  Thank goodness I'll be on vacation this evening and won't have a chance to listen to Anderson Cooper ramble on an on about it.

Enough serious stuff ... I"m headed out on vacation. Pics and what not to follow, but not in a timely manner. I'm actually going to try and enjoy some down time from technology and everything else in the world.

That's right ... take that China!

Finally, we beat China in something ... competitive hot dog eating. The Chinese brought their best, and the likes of Joey Chestnut, some guys from Chicago and some random town in Pennsylvania took down the Asian giants.

We should relish in our victory now because I'm pretty sure the Chinese premiere just executed a few people and hot dogs are being distributed across the country. Careful China or you will be brought down by our real weapons of mass destruction, Obesity, Heart Disease and Diabetes.  Just look what we've done to the Western Europeans through McDonalds, Kentucky Friend Chicken and Burger King. We're going to take over the world, one Whopper and Hot Dog at a time.

Happy 4th of July

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful 4th of July.

The Peachtree Road Race ... 2011 Recap

Each year on the 4th of July, I wake up early and run a 10K with 60 - 70K of my closest friends. Its a really amazing experience and very patriotic. As I'm sitting here with my right leg covered in ice, I thought I'd give you a few play by play moments of the race:

• It was hot ... probably the hottest race I've ran in years. The humidity was just down right nasty, but the spirit in the air kept you moving. 
• Prior the race, three Raptors did a fly over which was pretty amazing and raised the hair on the back of your neck.  Call me a kid, but I still get excited about military fly overs. 
• Most of my running partners and friends bailed, so I ran with one of Retired Sorority grirls friends (Nikki) and caught up with Chuck and Sarah (old friends from Furman). 
• The first mile ... well, was too quick.  When you pace around 10 minutes and you do the first one in 830, its not a bad thing, just not overly good.  Probably because I was too busy talking, I stopped for water and a bathroom break at mile one that allowed me to finally stretch out. Also a good point that I'm taking much more time off in June of next year. The 80 hour work weeks clearly don't help with the training process.  
• Finally going well on Mile 2 and 3 -- good rhythm, lots of cool people out ... 
• Right before the hill at the Sheppard clinic, I encountered a behemoth of a person (good double deuce and a half fo sho) who decided to fall in front of me. As I darted to the right, my angle decided to go left ... body went right ... snap, crackle, pop -- the race is no longer fun. 
• I power walked through the rest of mile 3.5 - 4.5 trying to figure out if I needed to stop.  I had this really neat tingling feeling in my ankle and it decided to swell up quickly.  
• At mile 4.5, I took a pit stop, stretched out my ankle, ate one of those vanilla instant calorie goo things (totally unnecessary for a 10K but I took it to distract the the behemoth caused) and the carried on.
• I slowly jogged all the way to the finish line and limped across -- needless to say, I was not as thrilled as all the other people around me. In fact, I was down right pissed ... I finished in about 80 minutes which isn't very good, but it was also the first race I've done on a bum ankle.  At least I finished, I could have (and thought about ) giving up multiple times.  
• If you have to get hurt, get hurt at these races. Love the medical tent -- everyone is so nice and give you all sorts of ice, drinks, and other fun things (pills, pain reliever, etc.) 

So while the race wasn't great from a personal performance perspective, it was a very cool experience.  I'm certainly motivated to get in much better shape so I can quality in a higher location so I don't spend 1/2 the race darting left to right dodging the giant people -- but good for them for doing it at least.  I know of a lot of others that didn't do the race.  Now to prepare for the 1/2 marathon on Thanksgiving ... me thinks I'm more than motivated for that race.  

Onward and upward ... Happy 4th Everyone. I'm off to replenish all the calories I lost and move as little as possible. 

Michael Bay in sixty second

This is great ... and while I actually like his movies, this is very true. 

Friday Banner of the Day

Last Day at work for a week ...

Well, sorta. I"m going on vacation to the beach next week but I already know that I'm going to have to work part of Wednesday and Thursday so instead of a vacation, I'm just going to call it working from a remote location in Florida. Yay (insert sarcastic font). Aside from the daily work out, I'm planning on the following -- consume alcohol, sit in a sun chair, jump in a pool, eat, hit some golf balls, buy some terrible t-shirts ... repeat. 

In other news, I've made a number of observations that I can't go with out mentioning:

• One last Transformers observation -- we were in a packed theater and people clapped, oowed and awed through out the movie.  I'm not sure I've ever clapped in a movie ... except maybe once. And that was after seeing the end of Sex and the City 2 - I applauded loudly to celebrate that piece of smoldering shite was over. 
• The "architect" of our economy thinks he might resign soon. He should get a golden shower, not a golden parachute. 
• The NBA is locking out its players and I'm actually really happy about it. I am gutted for my friend who works for the Hawks and I hope that this doesn't' affect his job / salary, etc., but on a selfish note, I'm happy that I don't have to hear about LeBron for a while. Then again, he might have another charity show where he makes a "decision" to try out another sport "I'm going to take my talents and enroll at THE Ohio State University to play QB."
• In a move that made no sense to anyone involved -  I felt adventerous and ran over to Retired Sorority Girl's house with a 15 - 20 pounds of stuff in a ruck sack. Unless you've trained to do this, don't ... it is a horrible idea. 
• Someone on MSNBC called the president a "dick" ... which is just awesome. I'd actually enjoy the news more if people actually shared their true thought on the air (what if the ONN was real). But it just furthers my common theme for my political rants:  Since the president himself doesn't have any respect for the office, why should we? Obama sits behind his pulpit and mocks congressional leaders for going on vacation for the 4th -- and then he immediately gets on a tax funded flight to go campaigning for the 2012 election.  Yup -- sounds about right. 
• And finally ... 4th of July is around the corner and I'm gearing up for what feels like my 50th Peachtree Road Race.  The good news, its not going to rain ... bad news, high is 98 on Monday. At least the shores of the Gulf are on the horizon.