Kudos to Obama

Yeah, never thought that would be a title on this blog. Good to see that he finally came to the South and met with some of the victims.

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Yes, I watched the Royal Wedding

And now I miss London. Really was a fascinating event.

But anywhoo ... my favorite part of the day ... God Save The Queen. And I finally learned that no, the
Queen does not sing the song directed at her.

For the cruise people

This is directed at the old people cruising around. You keep texting / leaving VMs asking how bad was the storm.  Watch this segment.  They are brining people back from covering the Royal wedding to cover the storm damage.  

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Incredible

Here is the storm / tornado that went through Alabama last night. Also hit N. and S. Georgia as well. We were lucky this time and avoided the damage. It's times like these when I wished I was back in England because you just don't get crazy storms like this over there.

Who cares ...

I'm taking a break from being pissed off to react to the latest BREAKING NEWS from CNN (link).

Look everyone ... Obama produced a birth certificate. Woo Hoo. Yay ... WHO CARES. This is news? Really? Did you know that in the two years it took Obama to produce the document there have been 4 iPhones and gas prices have almost tripled?

Obama is right in that it is a carnival side show but if it's such a side show, why didn't you show the birth certificate two years ago? I know if I want to avoid drama, I usually go after the issue head on but then again, I'm way to rational to ever be president.

Looks like I'm officially English

In the spirit of the Royal Wedding and the massive media bombardment of all things English, I've decided to go ahead and announce that i'm offically English. No, not because I'm almost 100% English in my heritage, but more because I spent three hours a the dentist this morning to determine that I have ... wait for it ... bad teeth. Yes, that's right -- I have bad teeth.  Granted, in the UK, my teeth would be on display for their greatness, but on this side of the pond, I'm pretty much as bad as it gets.

According to my new dentists, and some pretty awful x-rays, I need two root canals, two crowns and some cavities filled ASAP (and its ASAP b/c I currently have a nerve exposed which hurts like a Sonofabitch). I heard a rumor that root canals are fun and not that painful. I also heard a rumor gunshot wounds are less painful than root canals.  Oh boy. Something to look forward to. Oh and one more neat thing -- root canals and dental surgery are not cheap. So goodbye cruise / week in the Caribbean, goodbye trip to Europe at the end of the year. Woo Hoo. I'm so excited!

Let's just say I better get some amazing pain killers or this newly crowned Englishman is going to get drunk, put on a track suit, gold chains and hurl some paint bombs at a few yobs. 

In other news ... oh, who am I kidding, there is no other news. 

Jed's Top Places for the Royal Wedding

Since all the major networks are telling you all the "things you must do, experience or say" in London because of the wedding of they century, I've decided that I'm going to share what Jed recommends. Call it the non-CNN / NBC approach to London that may or may not include royalty.

1. Crunchie -- eat a Crunchie bar ... they are tre tre amazing. 
2. Call a red head a Ginger -- Prince Harry is a Ginger so it works out well.  And if you didn't know, the English (non-gingers) don't love the red heads. 
3. Drop F Bombs and use the T and C word -- you can get away with it there. Also, explore the usage of Muppet, Poppet, Daft, Brilliant, Cheers, Dis - Gus - Ting.  
4. The Crabtree -- every visitor to London must visit the Crabtree especially on Cinco de Mayo.  It has great views of the Thames and I once met James McAvoy there ... or was it the ship.  Whatever -- none of yall will goto this place so it doesn't really matter. 
5. Drink at the National Portrait Gallery -- there are lots of portraits in the museum, but skip all that.  Go straight to the rooftop where you can get drinks and have some great views of London. Plus, if you tell them you work for MS&L, you get in for free. BONUS! 
6. Havana club -- there is no chance in hell anyone royal has ever been to this place. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one over 30 has ever been in this place.  
7. The Kebab Kid -- another place in Parsons Green that has never seen a royal person. In fact, they told me I was one of their first Canadian guests. Um - yeah, see when I lived there, I told people I was Canadian so if I did something awful, they blamed it on Canadians.  BAM WINNING !!! 
8. Rickshaw Ride -- if you get the chance, goto Oxford Street and steal a Rickshaw. Rumor has it, you can get to Victoria before the police will pull you over.  
9. Three Kings -- another pub that royalty has never visited. In fact, I never went there with out downing 8 - 10 drinks in advance.  If your looking to speak English to someone that is speaking English back but you can't understand a word they are saying ... go here. 
10. Get a gypsy cab ... especially if your in Notting Hill.  They are great. In fact, they actually think they are in Turkey so good chance, you will get a very scenic view of London as you drive all over the place. 
11. Grab a two liter of Strongbow and take a bus trip around London -- its cheap and after a 2 liter of Strongbow, your drunk
12. If the sun is out, goto Sainsbury, stand in life for an hour, get a two liter of Strongbow, BBQ set and then go sit in the park and watch the British sunburn.  Amazingly, they will turn purple in about 45 minutes.  It's amazing to watch ... no one tans ... they turn purple ... except wanna be American Kate -- she tans :). 
13. Best place to watch the wedding -- in a pub ... really, don't goto a park, sit in a pub. No reason to freeze outside when you can get tanked and watch the wedding with a bunch of fun brits. 

Take that VW Ad

Call me crazy ... but I agree with the Russians

The Russians said this morning that they would not support any further UN resolutions to escalate the "intervention" in Libya. Never thought I'd say this, but I have to agree with them. Oh well ... that's my political comment for the day.

Back to work ... (link) 

This won't end well ...

Due to our budget crisis across the country, budgets and "non-essential" programs are getting cut.  Like our monitoring of space:

"SETI CEO Tom Pierson sent an April 22 letter to donors saying the telescope array had been put into "hibernation," Randall said. Pierson's letter stated in part, "Starting this week, the equipment is unavailable for normal observations and is being maintained in a safe state by a significantly reduced staff."

The Allen Telescope Array will resume operations by 2013, when SETI's new round of funding goes into effect, Randall said. The funding will cover the project until 2018, she said. In the meantime, SETI is searching for quick cash."

In case you haven't seen an alien movie, but they all start with SETI monitoring space and finding some space craft, asteroid, etc. I guess we will just have to be surprised when the aliens attack ... personally, I'm going to hang out near Will Smith, Bruce Willis or Aaron Eckhart.  They will save us when the aliens attack. 

Speaking of aliens check this out ... http://youtu.be/iIW2cLOgMl8 ... aliens on the moon. Maybe that is why Neil and Buzz are so strange.

Sorry OSU Fans

Today's quote of the day from one OSU former player / fan to the OSU nation ... gotta admit, I love to see the Buckeyes make these comments. 

"Kirk Herbstreit: Ohio State should "quit recruiting players like Maurice Clarett and Terrelle Pryor."

Happy Belated Easter

I hope everyone had a great Easter. I was lucky to have some amazing weather and I go the chance to spend the day with my friends and their families. Nothing says fun Sunday like good friends, great food and the Braves and Red Sox winning (both are 1 game away from finally being .500).

Keeping up with Captain Fry - some fun things from the weekend and upcoming week (granted, I was low key this weekend so more of key learnings):

• Over the weekend I drove a friend's new BMW M3 -- who knew that reverse wasn't down to the left, but directly to the left. The car behind me found out as I almost hammered it Friday afternoon, but narrowly avoided the crisis. Quick tip -- when driving an M3, make sure you give your self plenty space with the other car b/c that V8 engine will sneak up on you ... oh and make sure its in first gear and not reverse. 
• Taking care of a dog that doesn't listen isn't a whole lot of fun. Oh and having the dog dislocate your thumb with the leash isn't much fun either. So far, Nessie the Dog 1 ... Jed 0 
• Since the pup wakes up at six AM, I was stuck watching some really fun TV -- like the 2012 Football preview (not sure how this is relevant but according to the Fox Sports South show, expect big things from Georgia Tech ... pfft - whatever). Here's what else I learned - Mercer has a football team (starting in 2013) and their coach new coach is ... wait for it ... wait for it ... former tremendous Furman failure Bobby Lamb, aka. the man who tried to destroy Furman football. Ha ha ha. Awesome. I've met some Mercer fans and they are proud of their teams. Too bad they are about to learn what its like to steal defeat from the jaws of victory.  Might as well change their mascot from a Bear to Eeyore. 
• Inman Park Festival is this weekend and I have a new camera.  All of this means I will lose said camera around 7 PM on Saturday evening. Yay for Inman Park Festival!  
• Training all week with the new Garmin watch -- great item for training. Just make sure you acquire the satellites or else it transposes you running somewhere else. Yesterday, I ran 3 miles in northern Mississippi. 
• Oh and just for Fry -- by Thursday, Obama will admit to having ground troops in Libya. Cause you can't do close air support / laser guided bombs with out someone on the ground directing these lasers. Pretty sure the track suit rebel army (who fired rockets backwards yesterday) isn't capable of painting a target with a laser.  

Anyone know Bethany?

Around 1:45 AM last night, I was awoken to loud crashing which I immediately thought was thunder. Since we've had a number of thunderstorms lately, I thought nothing of it until I heard it over and over again and then some drunken yelling. I got out of bed, headed to the kitchen to hear some drunken kid screaming, "Bethany, I'm going to kill you. I love you. Open the door!" Unless someone named Bethany secretly lives in my spare room, I'm pretty sure this kid was in the wrong place.

Highly annoyed and barely awake, I thought that yelling some simple words would get him to leave, so I yelled back, "There's no Bethany here, your at the wrong address, go away." This incensed the idiot and he thought I was Bethany's new boyfriend so he continued to yell and threaten me. At that point, I yelled back, "I have a gun, I will shoot you, go away". Of course, I would never shoot anyone but I thought I'd have some fun with the kid because I'm now awake and clearly, this clown isn't going away.

Unfortunatley, he didn't catch the hint and he continued to bang on the door (which I wonder why none of the neighbors woke up). I thought about calling the police but then realized that 1. They would do nothing and 2. They wouldn't arrive for a couple of hours and would keep me up.  So, I decided that I'd have some fun with the kid but grab a few items (unloaded 9mm and TPX aluminum bat) to protect myself in case the kid snapped. The banging continued and I finally opened the door. 

The yelling immediately stopped when the kid looked down and yes, there was a 9 mm in my right hand (unloaded of course) and a bat in the left hand.  I told him, "There's no one hear named Bethany, now jog on." Personally, I was impressed with myself that I said "jog on" because I haven't said that in years. Anywhoo -- the drunk Emory student turned ghost white and sprinted down the steps (he fell down a few) and ran off.  I'm pretty sure he finally realized that he was at the wrong address. 

Key learning - I seriously need to find this Bethany person ... just must have some real power.

If the kid comes back tonight, I'm going to shoot him with a paint ball gun. Maybe I should just get a giant dog ?

A sad day

I don't say these things often but please say a prayer for the family of Tim Hetherington. He was killed today in Libya filming the conflict for an upcoming documentary. He is better known for his fantastic documentary on Afghanistan called "Restrepo". Sad to see that his last tweet was - "In besieged Libyan city of Misrata. Indiscriminate shelling by Qaddafi forces. No sign of NATO".

Godspeed Tim.

Second Most Stressful Job

Sweet ... I work in the second most stressful job. Woo Hoo. That should explain a lot. So those that wonder why I'm constantly frazzeled, now you know ... and get over it. 

The full list (link):
1. Commercial airline pilot
2. PR officer
3. Corporate executive
4. Photojournalist
5. Newscaster
6. Advertising account executive
7. Architect
8. Stockbroker
9. Emergency medical technician
10. Real estate agent

Retreat, Hell! We just got here!

Love that quote ... I had forgotten about it until I saw "Battle for Los Angeles" last night. Is it the greatest movie ever, no. Is it the greatest movie that I saw last night, yes.

Reminds me of Independence Day but with out the whitty one-liners from Will Smith and the Aliens are way more violent. Also -- this completely looks like a movie that could have a sequel. My take away from the movie -- I'm in desperate need of a 5.56 mm M4 to prepare for the coming alien invasion. Lucky for me, Rock River just sent me a catalogue.  Bring on ET ...

Texas burning 'from border to broder'

In an effort to stem the issues with the Cartels, the Obama administration paid some homeless people to set fires along the border of Mexico to prevent people from running across. Ok - so maybe that is not what happened but it would be way cooler if that was the case.  Regardless, this can't be good for homeless people around the world. The Cartels aren't going to be happy that their drug operations are set back and I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see homeless people disappear.

What lies ahead ...

In order to keep up with Captain Fry's demand of more content, I"m trying to take a more conscious effort in adding more items to the blog and demonstrate Jed's insanity.  So ... I give you some things to look forward to this week:

• On Thursday night, I have the priveldge of house guests.  Fortunately for me (insert sarcasm font), they have a 10 AM flight on Friday but since they have not moved out of 1970's thinking, we have to be at the airport at 6 AM to make sure they are on time for their flight (it's international to Puerto Rico -- a US territory). Perhaps they will listen to me when they realized leaving your luggage at the airport for 4 hours is not a good thing. 
• Said people who are traveling over another holiday (but I bet when the grand kids are here, they won't travel on holidays), are leaving their dog with me. If it was a Golden Retriever or a self sufficient dog, I'd be stoked -- like one of my co-workers, she has a greyhound and her dog sleeps for 20 hours a day. Unfortunately, this dog is moderately high maintenance so I'm hiring dog walkers and kennel people to take care of it while I'm at work.
• The messiah is going across the country (which means New Hampshire, Illinois, Connecticut, Ohio and California) to sell in his new plan to raise taxes and win the next presidential election.Naturally, the tour does not goto Florida, Georgia, Texas, Virginia, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, etc. Watch this space for some updates from Jed and John Stewart. Going to be a fun week of politics. 
• Old Momar and his blueblockers are hammering the track suit rebel army and it looks like they could fold any day. Look for our military to step in and help out our English friends. I guess the French are there too but rumor has it, the Libyans flew a German flag so the French withdrew. 
• I'm planning a vacation and hoping to have that sorted this week -- any suggestions -- hurl them in my direction.
• And in the wishful thinking category, LeBron James and the Heat will be eliminated from the playoffs and we can all laugh at LeBron for the "decision". In other news, Cleveland will still be upset.
• Another thing that won't happen this week ... The Red Sox will not reach .500.

Rip Van Biden should have watched this clip

Oh where, oh where have I been ???

Yes, Captain Fry, I have been MIA. Here's what I can tell you about the last six days:

• 8 hours of sleep is like an un-assisted triple play -- happens rarely 
• Wake up calls before five AM (unless you are catching a plane for vacation or running a race) should be against the law
• According to the recent storms, I don't deserve power ... I've done something bad to someone. We all knew I had bad Karma but lately, my bad luck could be viewed as epic. 
• Recently used an iPad 2 -- kinda the coolest thing I've played with in a while. Never thought I'd like an iPad ... then I changed my mind. I might be a convert. 
• They opened a bar with in a mile from my house ... Danger, Will Robinson!
• The Red Sox are bad ... Furman bad. It's early in the year, but their pitching staff reminds me of the weekend Fry and I pitched against Georgia Southern in '98. 
• I really could care less about the Royal Wedding. Yay, your royal and getting married. That's super ...
• You can also add DWTS, the return of Glee and Donald Trump to the things that I could care less about ... birthers ... really, Trump? That's all you've got? Why not just focus on the messiah's fiscal performance? Probably a better position than "birthers" ... 
• Our anointed leader should really write a book called "How do you win friends, influence people and lie?" Here's a snapshot:  You become president, tell your rival you are going to discuss the budget, invite them to a speech and then embarrass them on national TV by calling their plan complete BS. Yeah, I'm not really a huge Ryan fan, but I actually feel bad for him and think our anointed leader might have lost his nerve. That stunt last week was just low class ...  Personally, I could care less because I've given up hope in the current administration. Just raise taxes so we can treat you like the first Bush and make you a one timer. Would someone please dig up Teddy Roosevelt? I'd take a corpse as a president than our current options.    
• South Park returns April 27th -- since our politicians have destroyed everything else in life, why not focus on the return of South Park. Seriously, I might start a political party called Apathy in '12.
• I was in Savannah for a total of 22 hours the last couple of day(s) for work. In fact, I spent more time in my pimped out Expedition (9 hours) than I did sleeping. Quick note on the Expedition, that bad boy doesn't stop on a dime and without the rear view mirror camera, I would have hit seven or eight cars.Aside from that, it had air-conditioned seats which is kinda the coolest thing this week since the new iPad.

So Fry, I apologize. I promise to re-evaluate my time and start sharing more information ... especially the way the Muppets are acting in DC. Lots of good content to mock ... just like my friend Jon Stewart and Rip Van Biden ... really Biden? You can't stay awake? Come on Joe ... your better than that.

The Daily Show - Slashdance - Democratic Deficit Reduction Plan
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show - Slashdance - Obama Hurts Republicans
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The amazing Albert Pujols

If you have a few minutes, watch this excellent 60 minute piece on Albert Pujols ... seems to be a really amazing person off the field - refreshing story considering all the other ass hats in professional sports.

Monday morning how to video

Brought to you by some member of the Canadian Infantry unit in Afghanistan.Special thanks to Digital Dave.

Saturday commercial of the day

America doesn't have a rivalry with Costa Rica.

Happy Friday

Herpacol DX Herpes Commercial from Janina Gavankar

Embarrassing

Normally, I would think a government shutdown would be awesome b/c that would mean we wouldn't have to hear from all the ass bags in Washington.  Unfortunately, this is not really the case and it looks like the shutdown will occur. Why, because our politicians would rather play politics than sign a budget bill. I know conservatives and liberals alike will say that's not the case and the "planned parenthood" and "PBS" portions are really important.  Personally, I'd worry more about not paying the 1st Marines, 101st Airborne or the 94th Fighter Squadron because I have a theory in life (as do most dictators and Ghaddafi), pay your military -- they will keep you alive.

The really nifty part, if the government is shutdown, many people be out of work and soldiers / military will not get paid EXCEPT the president, cabinet and members of congress -- they will all continue to get paid. So let me get this straight, the people who got us into this mess, will continue to get paid while others will go with out pay because of squabbles over Planned Parenthood and PBS? Yeah, just spend the money. Our government wastes so much money anyways what does it really matter. 

You can't not talk about this issue and bring up our anointed leader. His leadership is about as sound as the Red Sox starting rotation and bullpen (0-6 to date). Last night he spent, wait for it ... wait for it ... 55 minutes meeting with everyone to get a deal signed. 55 whole minutes. That's pretty much an episode of Mad Men, Jersey Shore or the West Wing. He might have been better served watching an episode of West Wing for some tips on what to do next. I'm pretty sure Pauly D might have some advice on what to do. That's what we need ... Pauly D for president ... denim, denim, denim ....

I think its Wednesday ... I have no idea

Happy Wednesday, I think. Actually, I'm really not sure.  There have a been a few fun factors leading to what are calling the "best mood" I've been in since my last concussion in 2005.  Basically, I had another evening with no power, the city has a pollen count that is reaching radiation levels and my job is churning out meetings, presentations and paper work at a level that would probably kill a French government worker (I can comfortably say this because I know a few). 

All of this translates to basically living with out sleep and a state of deliriousness. Now I don't have kids and don't want them right now so anyone that says, just wait til you have kids ... please stop reading now because by the fact that you have kids, you have given up the right to sleep for years.

So here's what I've learned on no sleep, allergy medication and too many hours behind a desk:

• Everything tastes the same -- whether its broccoli, steak or some empandas from the Mexican guy living on the corner, it all tastes the same 
• Headaches are no longer called headaches, they are called normal ... acknowledged and forgotten 
• Grumpiness is masked by passive aggressiveness and contempt for all things that get sleep and are happy -- this includes animals, trees, stuffed animals, people in their 20's who are having fun, the wind, the moon and homeless people
• You watch sports on ESPN and consider it exercise because it's the closest thing you are going to get to exercise.
• You quote movies from the 90's that your millennial co-workers don't know or understand b/c they were 5.
• Co-workers are more like family members because you see them constantly and don't actually know the names of your friends / family any more.  They become your therapist and you hope that they won't remember all the things you shared due to the haze of allergy drugs.
• Stress and anxiety become your new relationships -- and you cheat on one with the other ... and then stress about it.
• When you do sleep, you have nightmares (thanks to the medication) and don't count sheep, but rather dream of shooting the sheep as they leap over the fence. 

So if none of this makes any sense, that's because I haven't had any sleep, taking some allergy medication that I might start using recreationally on the weekends and  have generally lost my sanity. 

Happy Tuesday, Wednesday ... whichever ... regardless ... Harry Doyle everyone

I imagine this happening on Marta

Except the girl is replaced by a passed out vagrant and the guy is a security officer.

Craigslist Missed Connection - watch more funny videos

Things that would suck

We had some really nasty weather last night and in fact, I still don't have power. Luckily, its 70 degree out so no one really cares, but its a bit of an inconvenience when you want hot water. Oh well ... check out this video ... thanks, Captain Fry.  Why do I have a strong feeling this will happen to me soon?

Happy Friday: Betwixt The Music, Rebecca Black ... and some Coco

Betwixt The Music: Rebecca Black from Rebecca Black

Conan Rips of Rebecca Black - watch more funny videos

Change of heart?

I'm going to say its an April Fool's joke, but according to CNN and MSNBC, US military jets will no longer fly combat missions unless they are really needed -- translation - when the rebels run out of track suits, they will call us (link).

No shocker here, the Republicans are all upset and its going all political -- "The idea that ... American air power is grounded unless the place goes to hell is just so unnerving that I can't express it adequately," Senator Lindsey Graham.  I think he has a point, but honestly, just deal with it. Let's save some money, lives and let the Europeans fight this one. Opening Day was yestserday - why don't we focus on the fact the first full day of baseball is tomorrow. And how about J-Hey -- he hits a home run in his first at bat in his first two season ... crazy stuff.  Woo Hoo. Baseball!

See, I even have A.D.D when I write blog entries.