Friday, December 9, 2011

Movie Review

Last night, I clearly did not go see a movie and the following review is going to be based purely on speculation and my talent for choosing whether a movie is good, or an epic fail. Anywoo, before I went to bed last night, the trailer for "New Years Eve" came on and it made me think, why in the hell are they making movies like this? Was Valentine's Day not enough?  So, I decided to pretend that I saw the movie and came up with some commentary.
  • Like any other movie with entirely too many overpaid actors / actresses (and a few TV stars gone big movie), the dialouge was crap. 
  • Ashton Kutcher continued to provie that he's a deuche and should cut his hair 
  • Katherine Heigel whined a lot ... surprise, surprise! 
  • They ruined the movie by making Jessica Biel preggers - I bet money they was ploy by Heigel's agent to make sure they made the hottest woman on set unattractive
  • Quote of the movie, "It's New Year's Eve Bro, we are doign something!" -- um, yeah, did Obama's speech writer craft this movie? 
  • I think the movie needs a few more story lines ... 19 aren't enough to keep me interested. 
So, I give this movie a Dhttp://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=18869171#editor/target=post;postID=7694853765698387677+ and not an F b/c I know Ill be forced to watch it at some point. I did do some brainstorming and came up with a few ideas how to make this movie better :
  • Include one of the scenes from Eyes Wide Shut but instead of the random naked women include Sofia Verga, Lea Michelle, Jessica Biel and Halle Barry. 
  • Figure out a way to include Optimus Prime since Duhmel is in the movie 
  • Let Robert De Niro drop the New Years Ball that then releases some gas, turning everyone into zombies and then an elite group of vampire killers, led by Kate Beckinsale, arrives to take them all out.  Underworld IV:  Taking Down Ashton Kutcher. 
  • Remake the scene from Alien when Jessica Biel gives birth 
  • Make sure there is a horse next to Sarah Jessica Parker in all scenes 
I think these would greatly improve the movie and not only make it watchable, but a Blu-ray ownable.  

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