And I'm back ...

Sorry for the hiatus, but I was out on vacation last week and did everything I could to stay away from technology, email and most importantly, work.

Retired Sorority Girl and I took some time away and went on another cruise. This time, we choose to go on Carnival instead of RCCL ... mainly because we have a wedding coming up and since weddings are the most expensive day ever invented, we decided to do more of a budget / than luxury cruise.  Some key takeaways and experiences:

• The crew on board was amazing ... by far the highlight of the trip.  The other passengers were some of the best people watching I've seen in years. Let's just say that I felt like a young, wealthy model on board that ship compared to the other passengers. I'm also convinced the crew was nice to us because we were the only two spending money. 
• Clubs on cruise ships are always a good time ... especially if there is no one else in it but you.  That happened to us on the third night b/c we had the entire club to ourselves. If you are afraid to dance in public, then this is the way to go. Of course, at one point during my special dances, the DJ did come over the intercomm and make fun of me ... a real highlight of the trip. 
• The food was surprisingly amazing. I had heard a rumor it wasn't very good but I couldn't say anything was bad or even not good. In fact, I think they had more options than RCCL from a casual experience and the dining room was really good. Most importantly  they offer you warm / molten chocolate cake each night which is one of the greatest things on Earth. Had I not caught the Norwalk Virus, I'm sure I would have gained weight! 
• By the pool deck, they have a Wok station which was fantastic.  Personally, I thought having Wok food by the pool was odd, but then I experienced the phenomena and it was incredible.  Everyone should have noodles, chicken and veggies while sipping on a pina coloda and listening to dance music.
• Speaking of which, if I hear anyone say, CRISS CROSS anytime soon they are going to get punched. 
• Always get a private cabana ... no matter what cruise, if a private cabana is offered, get it no matter the cost. I've done it on two cruise lines and both panned out great. 
• Three card poker is bull shit. Just sayin ...
• Freeport, Bahamas is a miss ... stay on board a ship unless you feel the need to go look at straw products and clothing made in China.  
• No matter what you think, water proof sun tan lotion is not water proof, comes off and you get sunburned pretty badly.
• Everyone should Karaoke on a cruise.
• No one should watch a presidential debate on a cruise with strangers.  While an interesting experience, not one I'd like to repeat again. 
• Pictures, pictures, pictures -- since my father is a photographer, I've never been a huge picture person.  On cruises, they are worse that a bad sorority party with pictures.  The difference is that on RCCL, they take the pictures seriously. On Carnival, they are awesome and let you do whatever you want.  For instance, one night, we went from bad glamour shots to dressing up like Mexicans. It was amazing! One of the highlights of the trip and I'll be sure to scan some of the images. 
• Another highlight was the second annual Jed / RSG Olympics - each cruise, we compete against each other in events such as ping pong, gambling, shuffle board, air hockey, etc. Unfortunately for RSG, the results this year were a land slide victory for Jed. In fact, he even tried to let her win a few and she lost.  Looks like someone needs to get training before the next trip. 
• And finally ... the best part (and careful, this gets graphic) ... the night before the last full day at sea, I caught the dreaded Norwalk Virus. Yes, that's right sports fans, Jed got sick on vacation. And I'm not talking a runny nose, I'm talking that shit (literally) was coming out of all areas and it was horrible.  Imagine clinging onto a tiny toilet vomiting in a tiny cruise ship bathroom only to realize you now have explosive Montezuma's revenge. Now flip that, you are taking care of the revenge and then you vomit all over yourself. Yeah, pretty amazing experience! Looking back, I really laugh about the disgustingness and movie worthy experience that was the cruise ship bathroom of horror. 
• What's neat about having the Norwalk Virus on board a cruise ship is that you are quarantined to your room.  Sounds horrible, but then you realize that you are tremendously contagious so you can't blame them.  In fact, they go to extremes. I was give bio-hazard bags (giant red) to put my 'waste' and food into so no one else was contaminated. I felt like I was a victim in the movie Contagion, but I survived!
• And a quick lesson ... always, always, always wipe down your cabin with Clorox wipes. We do and that's not why I got sick, but can you imagine the family that had our cabin the cruise after us? I feel bad for anything they dropped on that bathroom floor. I'm not sure napalm would have cleaned it.  

All in all, the cruise was a great time.  I've learned that with any vacation, its what you make of it. So if your looking to take a Carnival cruise, go with friends because it will be a lot more fun. Carnival's biggest problem is their pricing. The product they offer isn't bad, but when you make it affordable to everyone, you don't always get the best results.  I'd go on a Carnival ship again, but I'd make sure it was one of their newer ships, took friends with me and most importantly, ensure they have bathrooms with plastic floors.  

Wedding Planning

As many of you know, Retired Sorority Girl and I decided to get engaged a while back. After a week (ok, 24 hours of celebrating) she dove straight into wedding planning.  Mind you, this won't be one of those posts that slams wedding planning or anything along those lines, but merely a quick overview to state some of the interesting things I've learned in the first three weeks of planning. Oh and no, we don't have a venue, date, or anything along those lines but we sure have visited enough places to know what we don't want:

• Chairs -- they are things you typically sit on but in a wedding, they are a high priced accessory that demands the scruity of all brides to be.  What I've realized is that the chairs are a back end gimmick by the man who is constantly trying to keep us down to keep us down. For instance, you can get the regular chair (the Romney) for $1.25 or the fancy French chair (the Obama) for $5.00.  Now, what they don't tell you, is by the time you paid for labor and covers for the $1.25 chair, it now costs over $5.  Seriously -- chairs. 
• Tables -- before last weekend, I knew there were high top and low top tables, but I didn't realize the number, types and colors that are available.  Did you know you can get marble high top tables? Amazing how I did not know that?
• Event Coordinators -- they come in two batches -- young, in their twenties and either planning their own wedding or recently married ... or they are late 30s / 40s, bitter as shit and almost impossible to talk to about anything other than chairs, tables and lighting.  Seriously, we met with one woman this past weekend that was so insanely unhappy that I checked the obits on Sunday AM to see if she ended it. I've met miserable people in my life but this one took first prize! 
• Fear of Fire -- I've noticed that all of the event staff / coordinators have an intense fear of fire.  Whether its the venue bursting into flames or a table cloth, they certianly don't want candles unless they are behind a nuke proof glass case and don't even think about sparklers. Pretty sure there are some dudes in tuxes hiding in the bushes with a fire hose in case you think of lighting up the sparkler. 
• Photographers -- I've learned that weddings have nothing to do with the ceremony, spending time with others ... its all about the pictures. Don't fool yourself, I've even learned that wedding locations aren't built for sound (because who wants to hear the vows) but more for pictures! Woo Hoo! Pictures. For the record, my father is a photographer and I've hated pictures of myself since he wouldn't stop taking pictures of me as a child. Pretty sure that nice cocktail of bourbon and xanax on my wedding day will make for some fabo pictures. 
• Disasters -- want to have fun with event coordinators, ask them what their plan is in case of terrorist attack or meteorite crash. Yeah, I've done that at a few locations and kept a straight face. I'm going to start taking pictures of their facial expressions when you ask if the building is Al Queda proof or if they have an issues with loaded weapons on the premesis. 
•  AC -- did you know, that in May, in the State of Ga, its really not that hot and you can do an outdoor wedding / reception with out AC?  It took every ounce of me to not laugh out loud at that comment from one wedding coordinator. Kinda like tying a ribbon on a terd and trying to sell it as a Twix candy bar.  No AC in May?  Ha ... I turn on the AC in February.  
• Gift Registry -- if these things aren't run by the Mafia, they should be. That's all I have to say about that. 
• Wedding Guest List -- Shockingly, I've found creating the wedding guest list a pretty entertaining experience but I was thinking last night that it should be a lot more fun. I'm actually considering holding auditions for our guest list. Think about it, if your parents want to invite a lot of their friends to your wedding and you're not so sure of it, have their friends audition for a role. Same goes for that co-worker or friend that you just aren't sure you should invite. Come up with entertaining criteria: can they dance, sing, make a special cocktail, funnel a 5th of Vodka, play a guitar, do they have a friend that owns a resort in the Caribbean, Do they have access to key sporting venues, Are they currently a gun runner, Do they know Ted, etc.  I proposed this concept to Retired Sorority Girl and unfortunately, it fell on deaf ears.  But think how much fun you would have making your guests try out for an invitation. Pretty sure this has appeared in an 80s movie and if not, it should. 
• Band -  For some reasons, wedding bands are stupid expensive. They way things are going and the costs I've seen, pretty sure we'll be able to get Nickleback for the same price as the local Glenn Johnson Quartet.  Anywhoo ... I just hope Retired Sorority Girl will come around and we get the Dan Band ... or Nickleback.  I really want an excuse to wear a leather wrist band.  

It's late 80's / 90's Day

Woo Hoo ... Hold on tight, you know, she's just a little bit dangerous!

Gettin' Hitched

So ... big news in the blog world, ok, big news to both of you who read this blog ... but Retired Sorority Girl and I got engaged. Very exciting news! Especially since the end of the world is in December and if not and this were a world run like the movie Logan's Run, I've only got a few months left! 

More news to follow on the wedding, date, location, etc. but I can promise you that it won't be outside, in the rain, near a factory, in the heat, playing golf in a tropical storm, eating near a marsh, manual labor like setting up chairs, paying for a honeymoon suite, driving someone's car, getting drinks at Costco the night before or a number of other fun things I've experienced in my 15 years of wedding going.  And I remember all of those weddings ... the good, the great and the awful. 

Thanks to all of you who were there to help us celebrate. Let the joys of wedding planning begin!

Cause I'm leaving, on a jet plane

Sometime in the near future, Retired Sorority Girl and I are headed to the big island that time forgot. Unforutnately, we aren't going to some secluded warm island (aka, Cuba - that trip is next week), but instead we are heading across the pond to enjoy a some time in Jolly Ole except this time we are venturing outside a trip to the Big Smoke, and enjoying a wedding in Manchester and Sheffield.  

The best part about this trip will be managing Retired Sorority Girls' exceptions about the London she's seen in What A Girl Wants, Friends and in Love Actually. We've spent the last couple of days discussing what all to do in London and I'm pretty sure its going to be a tourist trip on steroids -- actually, change steroids to crack.  

Watching her plan cracks me up b/c she has the optimism that we will be able to do everything from all the museums, Parliament, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar, Ride a Red Bus, Goto Harrods ... to Stonehenge, Oxford, Cambridge and Windsor Castle. I'm up for doing whatever, I'm just not as optimistic as she is about what we will get to do. And most importantly, she hasn't factored in the Pub / Pint factor ... that tends to slow down the trip a tad.  

Regardless, it will be amazing to be back in my second home and seeing some wonderful people. Everyone should have a second home, even if it is expensive to visit and you only get to see it once (maybe twice) a year.  I can't explain enough how excited I am about my quick trip to Jolly Ole ... it's generally the most peaceful two weeks of the year. 

Happy Birthday

Big Birthday Weekend ... in honor of both, some fun images! Happy Birthday Dr. Noisewater and Retired Sorority Girl.

Source: 29.media.tumblr.com via Ashley on Pinterest

Source: a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net via Chip on Pinterest