Even Scotland Yard is having a go with Obama

This is great ... while in the UK, Scotland Yard used the world Chalak (or chalaque depending on how you spell) as the code name for the POTUS. Here's the fun part -- it is Punjabi / Urdu and translates roughtly to wise ass / smart ass. That's great -- other security forces are mocking him but I'm sure it can't be as bad as what they call Merkel or Sarkozy. 

Story (link) or (link).

You Muppet!

Please, please, please ... stop bowing, toasting or screwing up any other foreign customs -- and he didn't even take a sip either. Just stay in DC, the East Coast, Ohio or other areas that will vote for you.

Oh the humanity !!!

BREAKING NEWS ... Denmark bans Marmite!

AHHHHH!! Australians and Chavs alike are freaking out across Copenhagen as the Danish authorities have banned Marmite. If you are near Marmite, please avoid any surly English / Aussie looking person for the next three to four hours because it won't be pretty. Fighting, mumbling and references to bollocking the PM will be over heard. 

The English and Aussies have a connection to Marmite that I will never understand.  I'm not exactly sure what's in Marmite (claims to be vitamins and minerals), but I'm pretty sure it involves smashing rolly polys into a pasted that you spread over toast and drink with something that resembles coffee.

I'd consider smearing shit on bread and eating it before trying Marmite again. It might be the foulest, most reprehensible concoction that I've encountered. If aliens were to attack, we don't need fancy weapons, we just need to feed them Marmite covered Broccoli and the invaders will run for their home planet as quickly as possible.

Link on BBC

Call me a child, but this will be ridic ...

You wanted the best !!!!

You wanted the best ... you got the best ... Gene Simmons talking about politics. Even Gene Simmons is aware that the Messiah isn't exactly making wise decisions this week. I thought getting talked down to by Benji N. was bad, but now, Gene Simmons. 

In other news, another 4 or 5 people decided to run for the president over the weekend. Unfortunately, I'm not old enough or I would have thrown my name out there. 

Only in Japan

Maybe this is the May 21 prediction coming true?

Breaking news ... Volcano erupts in Iceland (link).  On a serious note, this volcano could be a big deal. The last time it blew up, flights were cancelled and N. Europe went into a freeze.

In other news, I'm thinking about a cruise instead of Europe this Fall. Flying over an exploding volcano should only happen once.

And we're back ...

After a couple of weeks of seeming super human, Obama went back to below normal status with this "speech to the muslims".  I'm actually shocked he made the speech because I doubt he is going to get much Jewish support in 2012, but then again, what do I know, I"m not a pollster.

And now ... Netanyahu takes Obama on a history lesson about Israel and policy -- seriously, who's Obama's scheduling secretary because the last thing I would do is sit down with the leader of Israel after you say, "hey, give up some land to the guys you conqured back in '67". 

You know, I wouldn't argue with Netanyahu. He was a commando and killed a lot of bad guys and now he's the Israeli leader.  If he weren't Jewish, I might call him the Messiah ... or maybe I can call him that ... I dunno and certainly don't mean that in an anti-semetic way.  Oh in case you didn't know -- the Israeli's helped train our Delta Force so I think we should be nice to them.

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Thursday Picture of the Day

Great catch, mom. Love that the baby is wearing a helmet.

Are we really all going to die on Saturday?

The first prophecy of the end of the world is for this Saturday. Woo Hoo! Sweet. I'm not sure I'm buying this one because I'm prepping for the Dec. 21, 2012 End of Days.  Regardless, to prep for the May 21 End of Days, here's how I'm going to enjoy my last day:

• Pop some pain killers b/c I'm sure I'll still be in pain from this F'ing dental crap 
• Hit some golf balls and shoot some targets with my new 9mm
• Go for a jog b/c pending we don't all die, I have a 10K in a few weeks
• Watch South Park, 2012, Armegeddenon and Deep Impact for fun 
• Sit by the pool and judge a bunch of Emory grad, medical, law students and mock their entitlement and inflated superiority complex 
• Hang out with a ginger b/c rumor has it they are going extinct
• Drink this rare, awesome bottle of bourbon that retired sorority girl bought me 
• Watch the Braves and maybe play a little PS3 since the network is finally up
• Goto Best Buy, Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot ... I dunno, I just might not have enough time

Got a busy day planned ... but I know the end of the world isn't coming. Yeah, call me psychic. The real reason I know the world isn't ending is because I have two more dental appointments and the world won't end until I experience those really fun situations. 

Nashvegas ... the recap

Sorry for the delay -- I've been out of touch thanks to some fun meds and dental issues. 

Last weekend, retired sorority girl and I headed to Nashvegas for a wedding a few other fun festivities. It was a very interesting ceremony that I rank up there next to Julia's as the most "interesting" wedding ever. The bride and groom were really happy with the ceremony, but I thought I would share some of the fun things that happened behind the scenes:

• In order to surprise the groom (a Scottish fellow), Retired Sorority girl wanted to surprise him with 10 cases of Magners - which they aren't supposed to have in Nashville. Let's just say that driving with 240 bottles of Magners in the trunk does cause some weight issues when driving up and down mountains.  The really fun part - the first bar we went to in Nashvegas had Magners on draft which means, its available in Nashvegas. 
• Rehearsal dinner had a theme - country western -- which means we all got to wear country clothes, boots and cool cowboy hats.
• Unfortunately, the weather wasn't perfect and the weather was held outdoors. There was a last minute decision to have the wedding outdoors which means the ceremony was held ... in the rain. First wedding I've seen where the bridesmaids are shivering and swaying back and forth for warmth.
• Jed, since he knew no one, was asked to do some really fun tasks by the mother of the bride such as: set up tables for the reception, set up chairs for the reception, break down said chairs / tables, get wine for the bride, groom and bride's mother, hold shaws for all the brides maids, etc.  The most fun task, I got to set up the honeymoon suite for the bride and groom (I'll spare you the details but let's just say this was not simple and required three hours with some really "special" receptionists at the Embassy Suites. The best part -- no one reserved the room so guess how paid for it ... that's right, Jed covered the honeymoon suite.
• When planning a wedding, you probably want to get a car and not hire your uncle, aunt and their Mercury Grand Marquis ... particularity if the uncle refuses to remove his golf clubs from the trunk and you have to put the bride / groom's food and overnight bag in the back seat.  
• Umm ... never invite ex's to your wedding. An ex of the bride gave a toast that would have been uncomfortable in any language. 
• Umm #2 ... if your a groomsman or bridesmaid, probably don't bring up past conquests of the bride with the same name as the groom. 
• Umm #3 ... if your going to give a gift to a wedding couple that is 1/2 European, please know what part of Europe they are from. For instance, if the groom is Scottish or English, you probably don't want to give him a flag from Wales. Personally, I'd never think to give a flag for a wedding gift but I would certainly not give a flag of a rival or a "country" that you hate. 

All in all, the bride and groom had a good time so that's great and really all that matters. The good part about the trip to Nashvegas, I got to spend some quality time with Captain Fry and see my sister / husband's remodeled home.  Oh and I got to drive a Lincoln from Atlanta to Nashville and back ... which was awesome because when you pass a cop doing 105 in a Lincoln, they ignore you.

I'd rather break my leg again

Unfortunately, I inherited some European style team which means I'm prone to really fun things like cracks, breaks, cavities and other uncomfortable things. In order to stop 6 straight weeks of migraine and intense pain, I went in for a root canal and a few other (minor) dental procedures.

Much to my dismay, they held off on doing the root canal until Thursday and instead performed two crowns and three fillings.  The procedure took just under four hours and the only thing good I can say is ... well, nothing. The procedure was shit and painful. I don't care how much gas / needles you give me (gas twice and 8 shots), a drill hitting a nerve in a tooth is just painful. So much so that I'd prefer the surgery I had a few years ago or rebreaking my leg.  They were less annoying / painful.

The good news, I get to go back on Thursday for round two. Woo Hoo. More drills, needles and pain. Awesome.  Screw waterboarding, they ought to just send dentists to interrogate terrorists.

Hey LeBron ... You will never be this good

Class, interviews, apparel, commercials ... you will always be second best.

Anderson tries to be funny

Watching this back and forth will be fun

This probably won't go over well with your neighbors

This clearly goes down as something my father would do ... A man in Buffalo, NY put this sign up to protest the Mosque next door who appear to violate a few zoning codes and what not.  Regardless, what better way to get attention than to call an entire group of people "bomb makers".  And if my neighbors made bombs, I doubt I'd call them out for fear of the neighbors blowing up my house. Story on MSNBC (link).

MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION .. has money for you!

Good news everyone. I just received an email from the FBI that states I am entitled to some money from my days in the UK when I didn't claim a prize. Woo Hoo! How exciting! All I have to do is email FBI director Robert Mueller, that's right - Director Mueller is handling this issue personally, at his gmail or an email address in Poland. You know, I had no idea that Director Mueller recieved all of his emails through gmail or a Polish server.  Who would have thought that there servers would be safer than military or federal government? And the fact that I'm getting personal attention from a man who's less accessible than Obama, AMAZEBALLS!  I sure hope I get lots of money!

And now the reality check ... this email is about as awesome as my Nigerian friend and my dead relative in Madagascar a few months back.  I'm actually disappointed that they didn't put the amount or more detail as to what I won.

Unfortunately, I didn't open the attachment because I'm pretty sure that included a virus that would eat my hard drive.  At least these scam artists could have been a bit more creative with their email addresses and main point of contact. I realize there are some real idiots in the world, but who would email the director of the FBI, at a gmail account or to an address in Poland? I know Poland is a member of NATO, but pretty sure we don't register our government information through Polish servers.

Nice try banana heads. You can't fool me, unless you are Nigerian, refer to me as Dr. and have found money from a dead relative that I can collect if I send you $10,000 in legal fees. I mean, I've already done that six times and awaiting my fortune! 

Lies, Lean Cuisine, Lies!

So in my prepetual attempt to not become a giant, fat person, I eat healthy, yet tasty, Lean Cuisines for lunch and occasionally dinner ... mainly because I recently learned that a diet of Chick-Fila is not exactly the most healthy option and doesn't promote weight loss. 

Today, I had one of my "favorites" ... spaghetti and meatball (and make sure you click on the link so you can see the picture of the meat ball). Unfortunately, today's lunch lacked something important ... the meatball. Maybe the extra 10 seconds I microwaved the mean vaporized the meatballs, but there were none to be found. !Que Lastima!

I mean really, Lean Cuisine? What if the one thing I was looking forward to all day was my Lean Cuisine lunch and tasty meatballs (and yes, things are not that exciting right now and I do look forward to food)? I think I have finally realized why there is violence in the work place ... probably because someone got a Lean Cuisine sans meatball! Kinda like having Chicken Kiev without the Chicken ... or meat loaf with out meat?

Shame on you Lean Cuisine.  I thought the fleecing of the consumer was bad when they carved out the bottom of my peanut butter jar, but I guess its gone to new levels. I hope all the fat cats and food wizards at Lean Cuisine are happy because they saved another ten cents on the consumer by giving me a lunch with out meatballs.  Bastards -- when I intentionally cut someone off or randomly yell at a pedestrian later, I'm going to blame it all on Lean Cuisine. I sure hope tomorrow's Chicken Parmesean comes with Chicken!

So long and happy Mother's Day

And I don't mean so long in a bad way, but for the last two weeks, I've kept my parents Scottish Terrier, Nessie, while my parents were cruising around the Caribbean for a few weeks. They live a really tough life with their weekends at the winery, weeknight of Bunco and multiple cruises at a time.

Regardless, since their dog is a tad bit needy (and by a tad bit we mean she's like an infant child), she stays with me. For 13 days, she was awesome (well, aside from the fact that she needs constant affection and wakes up at 6 AM). On day 14, she decided to urinate all over the carpet and vomit everywhere. Yay! I'm pretty sure dog vomit might be the most disgusting smell around.

Anywhoo ... Happy Mother's Day! Your dog can't wait for you to come home!

Guess where I'm not going on vacation?

Karachi, Islamabad, Abbotabad or any other place in Pakistan. Here's why:

• I'm not so fond of Goat meat 
• I don't really want to watch a Cricket match in the heat
• Their flag has too much green in it
• I'm not aware of any signature drinks that I can sip on the beaches outside of Karachi 
• I couldn't name a Pakistani rock band if they were sitting in front of me
• Their Air Force isnt' very good and I like the countries I visit to have a strong Air Force. I mean, when a certain Western Nation recently took down a high profile target, it took the Pakistan Air Force 40 minutes to get planes in the air to "investigate" what was going on (in a house, next to a military base ... in a city, 30 miles north of Islamabad) 
• Osama Bin Laden lived there for 5 YEARS WITH OUT ANYONE KNOWING! -- Ok, honestly, who cares about points 1 - 4 and #5 only has me slightly concerned. He lived there for FIVE YEARS. I'm not sure what's more disturbing, that he lived there for FIVE YEARS and no one knew about it (cough, cough) or the fact that our CIA had a house across the street watching it since the end of 2010. Trust me, I'm beyond elated that he's gone, I just find the timing and some of the background puzzling. No, I'm not going all Loose Change Conspiracy Theory ... just saying that something isn't adding up.  

In other news, Frenchy wrote on Facebook that he is skeptical of Obama which completely blew my mind. I never thought I'd see the day when a European wasn't enchanted by President Obama. Now if only we could find someone to run against him in 2012 ... Bueller, Bueller, Bueller?

Thursday Video of the Day

President Bush Reacts to Osama Bin Laden's Death with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

It's moments like these when I intentionally forget where I went to University

I've never been the proudest Furman graduate and now that this video is on the net, my acknowledgement just dwindled a bit more. Ugh. Very happy this didn't happen when I was in school.  Someone needs to hand these kids some drinks. 

Pictures and quote of the day

And the quote of the day:  Dr. Kenneth Noisewater - "Oh Pakistan, You got some 'splainin to do." I'm afraid Pakistan is about to be a few billion dollars in aid short by the end of the week.  Wonder what they will say when India receives new funds from Uncle Sam. 

His best speech yet

From last night:



President Obama: Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world, the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who's responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children.

It was nearly 10 years ago that a bright September day was darkened by the worst attack on the American people in our history. The images of 9/11 are seared into our national memory -- hijacked planes cutting through a cloudless September sky; the Twin Towers collapsing to the ground; black smoke billowing up from the Pentagon; the wreckage of Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, where the actions of heroic citizens saved even more heartbreak and destruction.

And yet we know that the worst images are those that were unseen to the world. The empty seat at the dinner table. Children who were forced to grow up without their mother or their father. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child's embrace. Nearly 3,000 citizens taken from us, leaving a gaping hole in our hearts.

On September 11, 2001, in our time of grief, the American people came together. We offered our neighbors a hand, and we offered the wounded our blood. We reaffirmed our ties to each other, and our love of community and country. On that day, no matter where we came from, what God we prayed to, or what race or ethnicity we were, we were united as one American family.

We were also united in our resolve to protect our nation and to bring those who committed this vicious attack to justice. We quickly learned that the 9/11 attacks were carried out by al Qaeda -- an organization headed by Osama bin Laden, which had openly declared war on the United States and was committed to killing innocents in our country and around the globe. And so we went to war against al Qaeda to protect our citizens, our friends, and our allies.

Over the last 10 years, thanks to the tireless and heroic work of our military and our counterterrorism professionals, we've made great strides in that effort. We've disrupted terrorist attacks and strengthened our homeland defense. In Afghanistan, we removed the Taliban government, which had given bin Laden and al Qaeda safe haven and support. And around the globe, we worked with our friends and allies to capture or kill scores of al Qaeda terrorists, including several who were a part of the 9/11 plot.

Yet Osama bin Laden avoided capture and escaped across the Afghan border into Pakistan. Meanwhile, al Qaeda continued to operate from along that border and operate through its affiliates across the world. And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda, even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network.

Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan. And finally, last week, I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice.

Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.

For over two decades, bin Laden has been al Qaeda's leader and symbol, and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies. The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's effort to defeat al Qaeda.

Yet his death does not mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that al Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must --- and we will -- remain vigilant at home and abroad.

As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not --- and never will be --- at war with Islam. I've made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.

Over the years, I've repeatedly made clear that we would take action within Pakistan if we knew where bin Laden was. That is what we've done. But it's important to note that our counterterrorism cooperation with Pakistan helped lead us to bin Laden and the compound where he was hiding. Indeed, bin Laden had declared war against Pakistan as well, and ordered attacks against the Pakistani people.

Tonight, I called President Zardari, and my team has also spoken with their Pakistani counterparts. They agree that this is a good and historic day for both of our nations. And going forward, it is essential that Pakistan continue to join us in the fight against al Qaeda and its affiliates.

The American people did not choose this fight. It came to our shores, and started with the senseless slaughter of our citizens. After nearly 10 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, as commander in chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who's been gravely wounded.

So Americans understand the costs of war. Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to al Qaeda's terror: Justice has been done.

Tonight, we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counterterrorism professionals who've worked tirelessly to achieve this outcome. The American people do not see their work, nor know their names. But tonight, they feel the satisfaction of their work and the result of their pursuit of justice.

We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism, and unparalleled courage of those who serve our country. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of the burden since that September day.

Finally, let me say to the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 that we have never forgotten your loss, nor wavered in our commitment to see that we do whatever it takes to prevent another attack on our shores.
And tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11. I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet today's achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country and the determination of the American people.

The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it's the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place.

Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

Hey Osama ... how are those virgins treating you?

Oh, wait, you got shot in the head by the "infidel" so you don't get the virgins. Sucks to be you, old boy.  I figured they would have found you in some dingy cave and clearly not in a mansion outside of Islamabad. I'm going to go ahead and predict that this will not end well for a number of politicans and what not in Pakistan over the next couple of weeks.  Some of my key takeaways from this glorious morning:

• Joint CIA, Delta and Navy SEAL operation where Osama and his son (and a bunch of others) were sent to Allah.  Not one operator was injured in the shoot out - not a single casualty. Looks like some bad guys just got OWNED. 
• HUGE props for Obama -- he had the option of sending in guided missiles and he sent in our special forces instead to make sure that we got 'em. Fantastic. LOVE IT. 
• He was shot and killed by a Navy SEAL -- which means the great infidel got 'em.
• Intel for the raid was obtained from a few Pakistani's and interogations in Guantanamo Bay (interesting footnote about Obama wanting to stop interrogations but I'm not going there because today is all about WINNING)
• He was in an upscale neighborhood outside of Islamabad -- hmm ... I guess that means the Pakistani's knew where he was -- probably going to be a tough couple of months to be a politician or military leader in Pakistan. Perhaps they are not our Ally? Personally, I say we side more with India - they have better food and less track suits.

While the death of Bin Laden is not the end, (in fact, this will probably escalate the war) it is a step in the right direction.  We took far to long to find him and get him, but he's gone and that is a beautiful thing. I'm looking forward to seeing the made for TV movie about the raid ... hopefully staring Charlie Sheen (see Navy SEALS and Red Dawn).  


The social networks are blowing up with comments from people commenting about Bin Laden's death. My favorite, from a friend from High School: So, what outfit says 'The guy responsible for shooting my husband is dead? :).

Lots more to come on this and I'm sure some great videos of us blowing things up!

Oh and ... Thank you, Navy SEALS and CIA. Fantastic!

http://www.foxnews.com/